


Boy Scouts and the Men Who Love Them

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Crossovers: Highlander, Crossovers: frasier, Humor, M/M, crossovers, other pairing - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:42:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some call-ins to Dr. Frasier's radio show from Seacouver and Cascade makes for interesting listening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boy Scouts and the Men Who Love Them

**Author's Note:**

> This is a silly little thing that worked its way out of our twisted, tv-obsessed minds one night.

## Boy Scouts and the Men Who Love Them

by CL Finn and MFS

Author's webpage: <http://members.aol.com/ctwin568/cosmicfic.html>

Author's disclaimer: DPP owns Mac and Methos, PetFly owns Jim and Blair. We're not sure who Frasier and Roz beong to, but NBC has a stake in them. Sesame Street owns Bert and Ernie, and David and Jonathan belong to ... well ... God, we guess... or something like that.

* * *

"This is Dr. Frasier Crane. Welcome Seattle. Today our topic is the controversial new book, Boy Scouts and the Men Who Love Them, by Dr. Walter Lincoln-Powell. He describes the Boy Scout Syndrome as a man who lives by a code of honor which closely mirrors the Oath of a Boyscout. Be Prepared is their highest motto, and honor, obedience, thrift, and a willingness to help others are their guiding principles. 

"A Boy Scout can be identified by his single-mindedness and propensity for jeopardizing his own life and safety for the well being of others. In other words, a Superman without a cape. During the course of his research, Dr. Lincoln-Powell discovered that, while admirable, this Syndrome can be very hard on those men who love them. What we'd like to do is hear from listeners out there who have one of these Boy Scouts in their life." 

"And Dr. Crane, don't forget that we have two new affiliates listening in today. KHLR in Seacouver and KSEN in Cascade." 

"That's right, Roz. Thank you. Let's go to our first caller." 

"Our first caller is Bert, from Cascade." 

"All right, Bert. I'm listening. You're on the air. Are you a Boy Scout or in love with one?" 

"Um, definitely in love with one." 

"So tell us a little bit about this Boy Scout of yours." 

"Well, J. . . I mean Ernie. . . is a cop and he's like this really straight-laced, over-protective, anal-retentive guy. He's a throwback to a pre-civilized breed of man. . . he takes his role as protector of the tribe very seriously. Unfortunately, he takes his role as protector of _me_ to the extreme. I mean, sure, I'm not a cop, but I've held my own against serial killers, psychotics, and drug dealers." 

"So, what exactly is the problem here?" 

"Well, he goes ballistic if I put _myself_ in danger, but you should see the crap he pulls. I mean, the guy isn't exactly a spring chicken-- not to say that he doesn't look totally awesome. . . he does-- but he goes out and hangs off a helicopter, jumps onto runaway speed boats, takes on a whole band of drug dealers single handed, gets thrown out of a train and hangs on long enough to crawl back in. . . " 

"It sounds to me like he can handle himself quite well in a crisis." 

"Oh sure man, but this doesn't account for all the times he's dropped his gun or gotten bonked on the head. True, he's managed to survive and come out on top, but the odds are getting pretty stacked, ya know what I mean?" 

"Have you discussed his risky behavior with him?" 

"Every day. It takes enough energy just to get him to eat healthy food, but he stills sneaks off to Wonderburger with Sim. . .some of his cop buddies, whenever I turn my back." 

"So you don't feel that he listens to your concerns?" 

"Oh sure, he listens, but as soon as someone is in danger or there's a scumbag to catch, he's trying to leap tall buildings and putting his beautiful body in the line of fire. And dammit, I have a vested interest in keeping that body in one piece. Can't he get that?" 

"Dr. Crane, I think we have another caller here who could empathize with Bert." 

"Thank you, Roz. Yes, let's get another point of view on this. Caller, I'm listening. You're on the air. What's your name?" 

"Jonathan in Seacouver." 

"Hi Jonathan. Are you in the same boat as Bert?" 

"Well, frankly, I hate boats. . . but yeah, I have a similar situation. However, I'd take Bert's reckless cop over my stubborn, pig-headed, chivalrous barbarian with a White-Knight Complex." 

"And what, prey tell, is this white knight's name?" 

"David." 

"What a surprise. I suppose our next caller will be either Felix or Oscar. So. . . Jonathan. . . tell us more about David and how he's worse than Ernie." 

"How much time do we have? He has some kind of delusion that he is responsible for saving the whole world. He fancies himself the champion of good and the moron actually took on the embodiment of evil-- which you would know as Satan." 

"Okay, now let's not get carried away here. What precisely does David _do_ for a living?" 

"A little of this and that, but mostly he's _into_ antiques." 

"I may be a bit naive, but what do antiques have to do with the battle of good and evil?" 

"A lot more than you would think, but you don't have to believe me about that. Besides it's his damsels in distress who really get him into trouble. Let a woman cry for help and suddenly all powers of logic and reason fly South for the winter. He's come close to losing his head far too many times over women." 

"So, you're jealous of David's need to rescue women?" 

" _Jealous_? No.. he's the one who gets jealous. A while back, an old lover of mine came to town, and Gordon had barely opened his mouth to say hello and Ma. . .uh. . .. David was practically pissing on the tables to mark his territory. The whole situation turned into a bloody disaster." 

"Dr. Crane, Bert is still on the line and would like to reply to Jonathan." 

"Okay, Bert. . . go ahead." 

"Oh man, you wanna talk territorial. . . Ernie just smells a woman on me and he goes all caveman. I was just being neighborly and helping this girl move in next door and the next thing I know, Mr. Super-Cop is running a background check on her." 

"You're right, Bert. That does sound a bit extreme." 

"Um, Dr. Crane. . . Ernie's on the line and would like to defend himself." 

"Wonderful. Okay, Ernie, you're on the air. What would you like to say about Bert's accusations." 

"Well, Doc. . .. my little Casanova here, didn't tell you the whole story. His so called _nice neighbor_ ended up kidnapping him and forcing him to help her smuggle drugs into Canada. If I hadn't found him in time, he'd be moose food." 

"That's hardly fair, Jim! I wasn't the one with a soft-spot for a beautiful assassin." 

"You're kidding, right? David had a thing for an assassin too. . . nearly let her blow up a room full of people. He stopped her, of course, but then he had to brood about it for days. He broods very well." 

"Tell me about it. . . if Silent and Stoic were an Olympic event, Ernie would have a handful of gold medals." 

"Yeah, well. . . if you look up Boy Scout in the dictionary, there'd be a picture of Duncan. I mean David. The first day I met the man, he was offering his protection, as if I needed it. I'm ten times older than him for God's sake. The man is absolutely infuriating at times." 

"So, it's a real May-December romance we're talking about here, Jonathan?" 

"Something like that, Dr. Crane." 

"Excuse me, Jonathan, when we said Boy Scout, we didn't actually mean little boys in uniforms." 

"Don't worry, Roz. . . David is adequately beyond the age of consent." 

"Just making sure. . . we do have to comply with FCC standards here." 

"Well, this seems like a good time to ask Jonathan and Bert an important question. We've heard a lot about what is infuriating about these Boy Scouts, but what is it that keeps you coming back? What exactly is the appeal? Let's start with Jonathan." 

"It's simple, Dr. Crane. He's too important to lose." 

"Can you elaborate on that?" 

"Aside from his faults, he's loyal, passionate, reliable, generous and great in bed. And besides all that he amuses me. He forces me to care about something other than myself." 

"Okay. . . It sounds like David's shortcomings are worth the effort. Now what about you, Bert?" 

"Oh man. . . where do I begin? I've never known anyone like Ernie. He took me in and gave me a home, he takes good care of me. And what's really amazing is that despite the fact that he's this big tough cop, he's really just a old softie. He does things for people that really blow me away sometimes. Like, one time we were taking care of this witness who had been in a coma since she was a little kid and woke up a young woman with no family. My partner went out and bought her some pretty dresses, just out of the blue. It made her really happy, and seeing that side of him made me love him even more. Meanwhile, he's the best cop I've ever seen. He takes it as his personal responsibility to protect everyone in Cascade. Basically, I just love him." 

"Dr. Crane, we're in luck, someone named David just called in." 

"Hello David, you're on the air." 

"Jonathan talks an awful lot about how I stick my neck out for everyone else, but seems to overlook the number of times he's risked his own neck to save my life and sanity. He's just as much of a Boy Scout as I am. He just keeps his merit badges hidden." 

"Jonathan, what do you say about this?" 

"I deny every word of it, Dr. Crane. Why on Earth would I do that?" 

"God knows why you do anything, _Methos_. . . I mean Jonathan." 

"Now that we have both David and Ernie on the line, let's get their side of the story. Let's start with Ernie. What do you have to say in response to Bert?" 

"First of all Doc, I wouldn't even be able to do my job if it wasn't for _Sandbur_. . . _Bert_.. He may not be not be a cop, but he's the best partner I could have. The kid has more knowledge rattling around in that brain of his than anyone I've every known." 

"Well, you haven't met Jonathan. He's been there, done that and invented the T-shirt. Try living with someone who truly has done everything." 

"Yeah, but Bert's knowledge and quick thinking has pulled my butt out of the fire so many times." 

"Hey, I happen to be fond of that butt." 

"Thanks Chief, but that's beside the point. My point is, you're just as protective of me as I am of you. And you make one hell of a mother-hen." 

"Ah, thanks, man. That means a lot." 

"Don't mention it, Chief." 

"Yeah, but. . ." 

"No, really... don't mention it." 

"I see what you mean about silent and stoic." 

"I don't lie, man." 

"No, he just obfuscates." 

"Okay. Well, Ernie and David, we've heard from your partners what irritates them, what is it about them that drives you crazy? David, why don't you start this time?" 

"You mean besides the fact that I never know when he's telling the truth, there are bottle caps piled up behind my fridge and hiking boots on my counter and when I ask him to make the bed, he tells me to get someone in." 

"Oh you think that's bad? There are papers and books strewn across the loft, wet towels on the bathroom floor and food that I can't even pronounce the name of in my fridge." 

"Ah man! Can you believe he actually made me color code the tupperware?" 

"Oh, there's an idea. Did it work? You wouldn't believe some of the things my father has in the fridge." 

"Dr. Crane, let's stick with the caller's problems. We know all about your family." 

"It seems to me as much you irritate each other, your partnerships are solid with a fairly adequate amount of give and take. You have respect for each other, though it sounds to me like the Boy Scouts in these relationships need to expend less effort on trying to save the world and more on your own safety. And the partners need to understand that this is an impulse intrinsic to the Boy Scouts and you may not be able to break them of it. And would you really want to? Isn't it the very reason you were attracted to them in the first place. Just something for Bert and Ernie and Jonathan and David to think about." 

"Dr. Crane, there is an Amanda on the phone claiming to love one of our Boy Scouts." 

"Sorry Roz, we don't have time to hear from Amanda today. But I believe Jerry Springer is doing a show about women who love Boy Scouts who love other men. 

"So that's it for us today. Thanks for calling in Cascade and Seacouver. I think our discussion was enlightening. Stay tuned for sports with Bulldog." 

The End. For now. 


End file.
